I showed him my bush... on skype.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
