Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
