im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
