you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize