It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
