worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
