So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
if only i could text you this smell
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize