At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
