I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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