I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
