Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
