Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
