so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
