I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
