Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
