I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
