my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
