I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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