Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
