it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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