Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
