Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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