You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
