The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
