Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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