So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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