I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
