His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You pole danced in your parka.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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