you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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