If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
