My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
