i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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