Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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