I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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