I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
