You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
