so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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