I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
