I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
