Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
