No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
