You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
