My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
