I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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