she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
