Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
