I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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