the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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