oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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