well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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