guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
