he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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