so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
