shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
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