Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
