can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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