...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
