piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
