the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
