I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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