My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
