My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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