lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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