So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
