last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
