Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize