you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
