I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
