Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
