youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
