I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
