and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
