I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
