So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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