I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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