She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
