Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This baby is an asshole
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
