I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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