Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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