It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
