i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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